How Coffee Stole My Soul
by Verboten Byacolate
Summary: The rise, then fall, then failed getaway, then rise again of Haruno Sakura's addiction.[Sakuracentric][Mild SasuSaku]Warning: Don't let the Caffeine Lucifer get you!


A/N; This is why nobody should ever give me coffee (or leave it somewhere I can find it if I get the sudden craving) after midnight.

Disclaimer; I own nothing, not even my own soul.

**How Coffee Stole My Soul**

It started out innocent, like most things. I was overworked at the hospital, about to fall asleep where I stood (I think it was outside the ER... but, then again, it could have been in the middle of the men's room. I couldn't honestly say), when Shizune-san (the angel) appeared (from... like... _no where_), brandishing a thermos of (delicious, wonderful, beautiful) steaming coffee.

It also just took one time, like most things. I couldn't help it; I was hooked.

For many moons afterword, you would never find me without coffee in a ten-inch radius. For those of you laughing, I am dead serious. I was obsessed. I've raided every cafe in Konoha, Suna, and every other village affiliated with the hidden Leaf. Every coffee shop owner knows me by name, and 95 percent send me Christmas cards. I know ten facts about coffee that no one could possibly imagine. I know how to make the perfect cup of coffee with just the beans, no sugar OR creamer. I've tasted 127 different kinds. I've gone out of my way during missions just to sample each country's different kinds.

Hell, the only thing I asked for ever was a more fancy, upgraded version of the home coffee maker I'd get previously. I think I ended up with eleven different machines.

Eventually, though, I began to notice peoples' stares. And their nicknames for me. Things like _Insomniac_ (I didn't need to sleep with a large amount of the stuff in my system), _Jumping Bean_ (so I was jittery. Big deal. Isn't everybody when they're high on caffeine?), and others. People began meddling with my affairs, prying me away from my precious coffee houses and home machines (all eleven of them) and my half-an-hourly cups.

They didn't understand!!!

When my shishou became involved, I started to fear for my beautiful addiction. I pleaded and begged for Tsunade-sama's mercy, compassion, and kindness. She never caved. I don't know where my eleven babies ended up... probably to charity, those selfish bastards.

I was put on probation. But I always found a way to sneak past Shizune-san and my shishou, making it to my favorite cafe in time for their midday mocha moolatte. I was found out. They planted a locator in my hitai-ate and sent me home. I dashed for my haven, hoping to lose the ANBU on my trail, but without my hourly rush, I was tackled to the ground in an instant. Then, they put me on home-lock down, threatening to strap me to a chair until the caffeine left my system and I could finally get some real sleep.

Tch. They should know never to try and keep addict from her addiction.

I broke free of their petty cage (my home had indeed turned into such), snuck stealthily past the ANBU squadron positioned around my apartment, and was about to make a break for the cafe (mint frappuccino day, dammit!), when an unexpected (and, unwanted at the moment) chiken-haired Black-Ops agent dropped down in front of me.

"Going somewhere?"

**THAT CHEEKY BASTARD!!!**

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"Not one of those coffee shops, I hope."

A nervous, jumpy laugh (and maybe a twitch or two). "Nope! No coffee shops for me, hah hah!" Smooth. "I'll just be going now..."

"I can't let you do that."

"**WHY THE _HELL_ NOT?**??" A minor explosion that came at a frustrated moment. It would happen to anybody.

"Because, Sakura, you are under house-arrest."

Inner Sakura was pissed. She wanted to be there on mint frappuccino day, too. When Inner Sakura is pissed, she tends to take over (though she might not have been needed at the moment).

"HOUSE ARREST MY -censored-!!! I NEED MY -censored- COFFEE, AND I NEED IT NOW, -censored-!!! IF YOU EXPECT ME TO MISS -censored- MINT FRAPPUCCINO DAY, I'M GOING TO -censored- YOUR -censored- -censored- RIGHT HERE!!!"

Not to say I didn't cause a scene, or anything.

"Sakura?"

"WHAT??"

"Shut up."

And I was dragged back into my house, kicking and screaming about my rights (I had them, dammit!) and other things that had many censored spots in them. Eventually, Sasuke _did_ tie me to a chair, gagged me (I still screamed loud enough to make him wince) and then, stuck me with a Tsunade-prescribed sedative. Just as I was blacking out I damned him to hell. Of course, it sounded more like ,"Gam woo koo hewll," but I'm sure the effect wasn't too different than it would have been if I weren't gagged.

I woke up a long time after. And, by 'a long time', I mean, like, a week. Seriously. Apparently, I was so backed up on sleep, that I didn't even wake up when Naruto and Lee came to visit (at the same time, mind you). I learned later that Sasuke had volunteered to stick with me for the whole week (though he still denies thoroughly that the decision was voluntary), and immediately changes the subject.

The subject (to my dismay) frequently became that of taking my soul back from the Lucifer of caffeine. I pretty much thought it was futile. Who goes back on an addiction like _that_?? But, much to my chagrin, all of my friends (those backstabbers) wanted me out of my obsessive funk. Damn them all.

I was limited to one coffee per week, _if I was good_. Otherwise, it was once a month for me. I wept tears for my last consumed coffee, and drank it marginally, to save whatever I could. It was very sad.

Nobody understood that I had given up my soul willingly. They all seemed to think I wanted it back. I wept more. Those fools didn't know me at all.

I didn't feel a turning point until that one Friday. I'd gotten my weekly cup on Monday, and was three-fourths finished, sipping slowly while looking over papers for Tsunade-shishou (why did she get to keep her sake, huh? Just because she's the fricking Hokage doesn't mean she's a god or anything, curse it all...). Someone had walked into my office, and without looking up, I'd flagged whoever it was down to the seat in front of the cluttered desk. Instead, they strode over to me, plucked my precious out of my fingers, and tossed it in the trash can. My fist had clenched momentarily, and I'd looked up to find Sasuke staring down at me (dammit, I HATE it when he does that!).

"Hn." I glared. He plunked a brown paper sack on my desk. It had a familiar logo on it, and I felt my heart stop. He finally sat. I looked at him, jaw dropped.

"But," I'd spluttered, "I got my cup Monday!" His face remained impassive.

"You want me to take it back?"

Then, it clicked. I snatched the bag and clutched it to my chest, glaring at him. "Like hell."

It was so special, I marked the date in my calendar, and still celebrate the anniversary of that glorious day. That was probably the best cup of coffee I'd ever drunk. And, it wasn't because of the sweet, kind thing my dearest Sasuke-kun did. It wasn't because he'd done a completely selfless thing, all for me.

Nope. It was because he'd done it on mint frappuccino day.

**x - X -** _you can never escape _**FIN** _the clutches of coffee _**- X - x**

**Did you notice the excessive amount of perenthesis? That was part of the Caffeine Lucifer's evil side effects. He is SO badass XD**

**-Bya-chan**

**P.S.- If there are any errors, fuck it, it's 2 A.M. and I'm unwilling to read over it again. I'll edit it later if I catch anything.**

**Edit: Okay, I caught some things. See, I _told_ you I'd edit.**


End file.
